My life as a theatre Teacher

  1. You’ve used gels to decorate your house.
  2. You don’t giggle when someone says “dramaturgy”.
  3. You go to a live theatre production and spend more time checking out the set and lighting design than actually watching the actors perform.
  4. You start thinking about which family members would be perfect for certain roles?
  5. You don’t have any other color of clothing other than black (more for the techies, but…)
  6. You have a set of “good blacks.”
  7. When purchasing a vehicle, it’s hauling capabilities is an important factor.
  8. When students start playing with toys you have in your office, the first thought that goes through your head is “Don’t touch the props!”
  9. You refer to moving as load-in.
  10. You’ve used stage directions in conversations with regular people.
  11. A large majority of the music on your iPod/iPhone is either underscoring or sound effects.
  12. When shopping for clothes, you regularly use the excuse that you bought it because it will make a great costume piece.
  13. You can’t get over the continuity problems in movies cause you know better!
  14. You’ve used your own furniture in a show. (Double points if you’re sitting on said piece of furniture right now.)
  15. When family members tell you that you have 5 minutes to preform some arbitrary task and you respond with “Thank you five!”
  16. Instead of loose change in your pocket, you have safety pins and screws.
  17. When you reference all the major events of your life based on what shows they were between? “Well . . .it was after Foreigner but before Shakespeare.”
  18. When you can change from one outfit to another in 30 seconds or less, in the dark, and you don’t really care who is standing next to you.
  19. When your character shoes ARE your dress shoes.
  20. When you have scissors that are not allowed to cut paper.
  21. When you can measure correctly using your own body parts.
  22. When in your head, you count 5, 6,7, 8 before beginning a task.
  23. When “move in” and “strike” have nothing to do with a new house or a union protest.
  24. When you buy hello kitty duct tape because silver is boring.
  25. When you practice your lines out loud–in the grocery store.
  26. You refer to vacation as “dark week.”
  27. When you have a storage room in your basement to store stuff that you MIGHT need for a show SOME DAY.
  28. When you quote lines from a show you did 15 years ago and your fellow nerds laugh.
  29. You decorate your house with props and dressing from shows you’ve worked on.
  30. When you refer to any stage show by one word, rather then the entire title.. “Fiddler, Mattress, Dolly”
  31. You have your own make-up kit.
  32. You discuss your dumpster diving treasures with pride.
  33. When you tell anyone that comes into your unkempt house that you are in “show mode”
  34. You’ve slept at the theatre because there was “no point in going home”. Or at least seriously considered it.
  35. You find yourself reminding people that adhesive without pressure is a waste of time.
  36. If the timeline of your life is based around what show you were in and not what year it was.
  37. You put off getting a haircut/dying your hair/shaving because auditions are coming up and you don’t know what the director will want.
  38. You can shut down any request for your time or need for your help by saying “I can’t, I’m/I’ll be in Tech.”
  39. You do it for free.
  40. When you complain about how much time the show is taking up and then a week after it’s over you’re looking for a new show to do.
  41. You know exactly how you will look when you get old, because you’ve done the make up and seen the future.
  42. You can’t remember your social security number but you can remember lines from a show you worked on in 1994.
  43. You know where they keep the “good” tape.
  44. When you can tell people’s shoes size just by looking at their feet because you have seen so many feet that you “just can tell.”
  45. Your prompt book is better organized than your checkbook, your office, or your purse/wallet combined.
  46. You find yourself “cheating out” at parties when a group gathers to talk.
  47. You can quickly navigate a stage full of walls, platforms, and multiple hazards in pitch black (that you’ve only worked on for a week) but still stub your toe on the way to the bathroom at night.
  48. You go see a play by another company because you’re thinking of doing it.
  49. You secretly think movie makers have it a lot easier than theatre people. (Multiple takes, my ass!)
  50. You read play scripts for fun.
  51. You know how to “find your light.”
  52. You’ve dated someone during a production that you would probably never date outside the theatre.
  53. Your family knows your lines as well as you do!
  54. You have nightmares about opening night and you’ve got the lead but you’ve never had a rehearsal.
  55. You refer to a break in any activity as intermission.
  56. What happens in the green room stays in the green room.
  57. Additionally, what happens in the booth, stays in the booth.
  58. As a techie, you can’t wait for tonight’s headset chatter.
  59. You can’t help pointing out every show that each piece of scenery has previously appeared in.
  60. You’ve hung posters so many time that areas businesspeople know you by name.
  61. You are shameless in your pursuit of free publicity.
  62. You’ve raided the toybox for props.
  63. You’ve sustained at least one major show related injury, and proudly tell the story.
  64. You have fixed a costume while trying to keep 7 kids quite while changing your costume while watching for your next scene…
  65. You know what it means when they say “… as long as it looks good from 20 feet away…”
  66. In spite of the stress, the problems and the headaches, heck sometimes because of them, some of the best times of your life took place backstage, onstage, and at rehearsal.

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